RHH: What Do You Think About My Milo/Kanye West Inspired 16 Bars (Rate If U A G)?

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Trylemma (

The dude who asked the question about Yeezy's "Family Business" while I was listening to Milo caused me to write up this quick 16. Lemme know what ya think. (You have my permission to leave feedback even if you ain't a G).


Itâs been about a year since I fully turned atheist/
But Iâm still looking for something that can fully cure faithfulness/
Hitchens said finding the truth was like a nascent bliss/
So why do I wake up every morning in an aging cyst?/
As a toddler I was always out to instigate/
Will a pair of letters (JD) after my name cause a twist of fate?/
TBH, I wanna save that for a different day/
But the road less traveled wonât allow the riches to wait/
The only promise I know is my vow to deceit/
As far as promises go, I break a thousand a week/
I look at resume facts and ask, âHow is this me?â/
I see a special on Fox, it looks like power is cheap/
Iâm just a mixture of Snorlax and Squirtle/
The product of a decade of sore backs and hurdles/
These lines are entered as sworn facts of journals/
Place them outside as doormats eternal/

Answer
Honestly you may hate me for saying this, but to me it seems you're trying just a little to hard to prove how intelligent you are. Some of the allusions are quality and witty "The road less traveled won't allow the riches to wait". But when it comes to "Hitchens said finding the truth was like a nascent bliss", it just throws to tone off unless you really wanna spit a full 16 in that type of complex language. But then you go and use a pokemon allusion a few bars later...

Don't get me wrong I'm not hatin' it's pretty dope, it's just easier and more productive to give negative feedback than positive.

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